i almost want to indulge these moods because i feel like they're closest to the truth and everything else is just a fallacy.
i feel ... hollow. like if you punched me in the chest, it would resonate. it aches, though. that's a contradiction. hollowness shouldn't ache. yet it's very very real. my heart hurts. it literally aches.
it's predictable, though, i mean, indulging the mood only ever leads to one thing, one overwhelming thought, one underwhelming conclusion. it's one end of the hemp belt tied around my neck, the other end tied to the ceiling fan, testing. adrenaline rush that's closer to euphoria than orgasm. it's sitting in the car with a bad driver. it's getting in a car with a drunk driver. it's telling a driver who's happily stoned to go ninety on the bridge and laughing when he does.
maybe this is the deliberate deception, not those fleeting moments of contentment. is truth elusive? that thought points one way. is truth always heftier and stronger than a lie? that points the other. i don't even know which truth i'm talking about.
i feel ... hollow. like if you punched me in the chest, it would resonate. it aches, though. that's a contradiction. hollowness shouldn't ache. yet it's very very real. my heart hurts. it literally aches.
it's predictable, though, i mean, indulging the mood only ever leads to one thing, one overwhelming thought, one underwhelming conclusion. it's one end of the hemp belt tied around my neck, the other end tied to the ceiling fan, testing. adrenaline rush that's closer to euphoria than orgasm. it's sitting in the car with a bad driver. it's getting in a car with a drunk driver. it's telling a driver who's happily stoned to go ninety on the bridge and laughing when he does.
maybe this is the deliberate deception, not those fleeting moments of contentment. is truth elusive? that thought points one way. is truth always heftier and stronger than a lie? that points the other. i don't even know which truth i'm talking about.